It was nearing the end of Jesus' public life. He had given his friends predictions about what was to happen to Him; that He soon would go where they could not follow Him; that the Son of Man would suffer and die, but that He would send another advocate to be with them. They did not understand these things. Peter wanted to defend Him against such a hideous death, but to that Christ replied, "Get behind me, you Satan." For Peter was thinking as man thinks, not as God thinks. Peter did not see the overall plan of God and how this was always in the plan from the beginning of time. The Son's will was always the Father's will, bound with the love of the Holy Spirit; Three as One, One in Three; an inseparable and inexplainable Mystery of our faith.
He continued to walk on with them, teaching and instructing them every moment He could, trying to give them all He could in these last times with them. He wanted them to know how great His love for them was, and that He entrusted them to the Father and the Spirit, even though they always were in the Father and the Spirit, because of the Trinitarian nature of our God. Yet, He continued to deepen this love, minute by minute as the time neared for His entry into Jerusalem, where He would be welcomed like a King, and later even proclaimed a King by the very ones who posted the sign upon the cross, the instrument of His death.
How can I deepen my love for You, Jesus, as I enter these last days of lent? I have shown my weakness during this holy season. I have stood with the soldiers and the jeerers of the crowd. I have been a member of the sanhedrin. So how can I join with Mary and John and Mary Magdalene? How can I cast away my fear and follow you bravely along the way of the cross? How can I trust that God's ways are indeed the only ways, even when the road is difficult and it seems so long? Why does it seem that I have so many roadblocks along the way that deter me? Why do I always get sidetracked? Why am I so easily distracted? Help me, Jesus, to be more like your mother Mary, and to just say "yes" to God's calling on my life and follow without question. This is the freedom You desire me to have. Help me to obtain this freedom in You. Amen.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Amazing Grace
At my school we have a special music class led once a month by the behavior specialist for the intermediate school district. The students all gather in the cafeteria. Here Steve leads with his guitar and one of the students accompanies some of the songs on the drums. He has an amazing talent on the drums. The students take turns selecting a song and standing up in the front with the microphone and leading the rest of the students in singing the song. It is great fun. Usually the songs are simple children's songs like "The Wheels on the Bus" or "The Farmer in the Dell."
Last Friday we got together for song. Ryan, who I've mentioned before, asked to be wheeled up to the front. He wanted to lead "Amazing Grace." Steve didn't know the chords for that one. So bravely, and without accompaniment, Ryan sang "Amazing Grace." The words were sometimes difficult to understand, but the message was clear. I had tears in my eyes, as did other staff, as he sang loudly and by himself. Yes, Ryan, God has given you amazing grace, to come forth and sing boldly His praises, despite your circumstances. You, so helpless by yourself, yet so joyful in God above, for you find love and joy in the Lord, despite the physical gifts that others have; despite the fact that you have to rely on others for all of your physical care; despite the fact that you are completely at the mercy of everyone else. Your example brings amazing grace to others, as well. For we can examine our own attitudes and learn from you. You need not speak a long lesson to us, for a few stanzas of a simple song speak volumes to us of Amazing Grace!!
Last Friday we got together for song. Ryan, who I've mentioned before, asked to be wheeled up to the front. He wanted to lead "Amazing Grace." Steve didn't know the chords for that one. So bravely, and without accompaniment, Ryan sang "Amazing Grace." The words were sometimes difficult to understand, but the message was clear. I had tears in my eyes, as did other staff, as he sang loudly and by himself. Yes, Ryan, God has given you amazing grace, to come forth and sing boldly His praises, despite your circumstances. You, so helpless by yourself, yet so joyful in God above, for you find love and joy in the Lord, despite the physical gifts that others have; despite the fact that you have to rely on others for all of your physical care; despite the fact that you are completely at the mercy of everyone else. Your example brings amazing grace to others, as well. For we can examine our own attitudes and learn from you. You need not speak a long lesson to us, for a few stanzas of a simple song speak volumes to us of Amazing Grace!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
The Passion of the Cross
I write this while on retreat with my God's Embrace Community. We have been contemplating the passion of Christ this weekend in lectio divina style in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It has been beautiful. Very personal. Very real. I offer some of my thoughts, born from prayer and the group spiritual direction we experienced.
Am I like Peter, James and John, who fell asleep when Jesus asked them to stay awake for a mere hour while He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane? Or have I always been awake and ready to serve Him at all times? I must admit, I have been the one who fell asleep many times in my life, including the times I decided to stay in bed rather than to rise early for daily Mass on my day off of work. And when praying in the Eucharistic Adoration chapel, I admit I have occasionally dozed off. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Have I abandoned the Lord like the disciples did when the soldiers came to arrest Him? For heaven's sake, yes. How many times have I chosen to run away when fear or stupidity had hold of me when it came to defending my faith in front of non-Catholics. My fear of sounding "dumb" or ill-prepared caused me to remain silent and not stand up for my faith. I was like Peter when my silence was louder than His betrayals.
And how about at the foot of the cross? Would I have been there for Him like John, the beloved? Or would I be hiding somewhere off in the background because my fear of repercussion would have been greater than my courage to defend my Lord and God? I think that I would have probably been off with the others.
It is easy to say "I would not have left you, Lord. I would have stood by You all the way." But, Peter said this also, and he himself denied his Lord and friend three times, leading him to go off and cry bitterly in sorrow and despair.
Luckily, we have a God who is merciful, forgiving, and most of all loving. He is not a grudge-holder. On the other hand, in spite of all our many repeated failings, we can be assured that if we but just look at Him with sorrow in our hearts, that He will look back with great love and compassion and forgiveness. His eyes will tell of how much more powerful His love is than our failings. So as I continue to walk the passion during these final weeks of lent, I will fix my eyes on His and vow to do my best to avoid those things that hurt my King, and be the Veronica and the Simon for the remainder of this sorrowful season.
Am I like Peter, James and John, who fell asleep when Jesus asked them to stay awake for a mere hour while He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane? Or have I always been awake and ready to serve Him at all times? I must admit, I have been the one who fell asleep many times in my life, including the times I decided to stay in bed rather than to rise early for daily Mass on my day off of work. And when praying in the Eucharistic Adoration chapel, I admit I have occasionally dozed off. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Have I abandoned the Lord like the disciples did when the soldiers came to arrest Him? For heaven's sake, yes. How many times have I chosen to run away when fear or stupidity had hold of me when it came to defending my faith in front of non-Catholics. My fear of sounding "dumb" or ill-prepared caused me to remain silent and not stand up for my faith. I was like Peter when my silence was louder than His betrayals.
And how about at the foot of the cross? Would I have been there for Him like John, the beloved? Or would I be hiding somewhere off in the background because my fear of repercussion would have been greater than my courage to defend my Lord and God? I think that I would have probably been off with the others.
It is easy to say "I would not have left you, Lord. I would have stood by You all the way." But, Peter said this also, and he himself denied his Lord and friend three times, leading him to go off and cry bitterly in sorrow and despair.
Luckily, we have a God who is merciful, forgiving, and most of all loving. He is not a grudge-holder. On the other hand, in spite of all our many repeated failings, we can be assured that if we but just look at Him with sorrow in our hearts, that He will look back with great love and compassion and forgiveness. His eyes will tell of how much more powerful His love is than our failings. So as I continue to walk the passion during these final weeks of lent, I will fix my eyes on His and vow to do my best to avoid those things that hurt my King, and be the Veronica and the Simon for the remainder of this sorrowful season.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Father Matt's Ordination Video
Last summer when I took Karim back to Lebanon, I missed attending the ordination of Brother Matt Russick, a young man from our community who was ordained to the priesthood out east in Pennsylvania. I would have gone to his ordination if my travel plans hadn't conflicted because I have always been fond of Matt, and he has been a good example to my youth group through the years. In addition, he took the time to come to my house and meet Karim and to pray with him. I know he will be a fine priest and will be attentive to young people.
Fr. Matt's mother recently gave me a copy of a video made of his ordination since I had expressed interest in obtaining one if they should get one. I watched it tonight for the first time. It was amazing. This video renewed my love for the priesthood. One of the things that struck me the most was how beautiful it is to see a large number of priests together celebrating Mass. Here they had all come together to celebrate the ordination of a new "brother" priest. There were many priests and they all participated in individually laying their hands on his head when they called the Holy Spirit down upon him. And again, after the bishop ordained him, they each stood in line to give him a congratulatory hug. It was beautiful.
I like to hear the male voices raised in song. It is the voice of an angelic choir coming together to praise the Lord in unison. What is especially unique is that each one of them was individually chosen by God Himself to fulfill the priestly mission on earth - to bring the sacraments to the faithful - to be the shepherds to the sheep - to open our minds to the Word Himself - to feed the flock. And each one of them has the unparalleled gift of becoming Christ "in persona" when he celebrates the Mass and says the words of consecration and declares "This is my body which was given up for you." Shall I say more?
Fr. Matt's ordination video was just another opportunity for me to recharge my heart's love of the priesthood. Now I can continue my daily prayers for vocations with greater enthusiasm and gusto. Lord knows, we need more priests and religious. God will send them our way. We just need to trust in His ways.
Fr. Matt's mother recently gave me a copy of a video made of his ordination since I had expressed interest in obtaining one if they should get one. I watched it tonight for the first time. It was amazing. This video renewed my love for the priesthood. One of the things that struck me the most was how beautiful it is to see a large number of priests together celebrating Mass. Here they had all come together to celebrate the ordination of a new "brother" priest. There were many priests and they all participated in individually laying their hands on his head when they called the Holy Spirit down upon him. And again, after the bishop ordained him, they each stood in line to give him a congratulatory hug. It was beautiful.
I like to hear the male voices raised in song. It is the voice of an angelic choir coming together to praise the Lord in unison. What is especially unique is that each one of them was individually chosen by God Himself to fulfill the priestly mission on earth - to bring the sacraments to the faithful - to be the shepherds to the sheep - to open our minds to the Word Himself - to feed the flock. And each one of them has the unparalleled gift of becoming Christ "in persona" when he celebrates the Mass and says the words of consecration and declares "This is my body which was given up for you." Shall I say more?
Fr. Matt's ordination video was just another opportunity for me to recharge my heart's love of the priesthood. Now I can continue my daily prayers for vocations with greater enthusiasm and gusto. Lord knows, we need more priests and religious. God will send them our way. We just need to trust in His ways.
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Pieta
At my parish church, St. Michael's, there is a beautiful statue of the Pieta. I used to take Karim there to look at this statue and pray by it because the wounds Jesus bore reminded me of Karim's wounds. Like Jesus, Karim's hands and feet had open sores on them, often bleeding where they cracked open. His mid-section around his groin area was covered with a manifestation of his disease. This reminded me of the place of Jesus' side where the soldier thrust the sword into His flesh to make sure He was indeed dead. And finally, Karim had sores on his face and about his ears, sometimes causing him pain and itching and sometimes bleeding, as well. Jesus suffered from the wounds caused from the crown of thorns on His precious head.
On Wednesday I went to pray at church after I left work. I found myself pondering that statue. I went behind the communion rail so that I could be right next to the statue and I touched all of the wounds on Jesus' body, contemplating each one individually. I looked into Mary's sorrowful eyes and spoke to her, telling her how I was so sorry for the pain that she had to endure as a mother of this man that had suffered so right before her eyes; the innocent one who had been slaughtered for the sins of the many guilty ones, including me. The statue had tears coming down her cheeks as she looked upon her son with such pain in her eyes. I reached up and attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes. Of course, this wasn't possible, since it was a plaster statue, including the tears.
I continued to go from wound to wound, thinking of the significance of each, and begging the Father to hear my continued prayers for little Karim. I thought of Jesus' words, "Whatever you ask the Father in my name, it will be given to you." These words have gone through my head so many times for the past three years. I say them over and over again, yet I remind myself that it is only according to His holy will that these prayers will be answered.
Then I sighed a deep sigh and rested my head upon Jesus chest, holding in my left hand his limp left hand, and with my right, enfolding his mother's hand and his right hand which were clasped together as she held Him one last time. I entered into this sorrowful love scene. I became a part of this sorrowful love scene. I kissed each one of Jesus' wounds before I left. And I went home with the hope in my mind that one day the Father will indeed answer my unselfish prayer for Karim because the judge answered the persistent widow because he got tired of hearing her over and over again. I wonder if God will get tired of hearing me over and over again. I wonder if He is bothered by my persistence. I think not. For He is a loving and merciful God who never tires of His human creations. His love for us is far greater than any irritation He may have with us. Thank You, Lord, for being patient with my persistence.
On Wednesday I went to pray at church after I left work. I found myself pondering that statue. I went behind the communion rail so that I could be right next to the statue and I touched all of the wounds on Jesus' body, contemplating each one individually. I looked into Mary's sorrowful eyes and spoke to her, telling her how I was so sorry for the pain that she had to endure as a mother of this man that had suffered so right before her eyes; the innocent one who had been slaughtered for the sins of the many guilty ones, including me. The statue had tears coming down her cheeks as she looked upon her son with such pain in her eyes. I reached up and attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes. Of course, this wasn't possible, since it was a plaster statue, including the tears.
I continued to go from wound to wound, thinking of the significance of each, and begging the Father to hear my continued prayers for little Karim. I thought of Jesus' words, "Whatever you ask the Father in my name, it will be given to you." These words have gone through my head so many times for the past three years. I say them over and over again, yet I remind myself that it is only according to His holy will that these prayers will be answered.
Then I sighed a deep sigh and rested my head upon Jesus chest, holding in my left hand his limp left hand, and with my right, enfolding his mother's hand and his right hand which were clasped together as she held Him one last time. I entered into this sorrowful love scene. I became a part of this sorrowful love scene. I kissed each one of Jesus' wounds before I left. And I went home with the hope in my mind that one day the Father will indeed answer my unselfish prayer for Karim because the judge answered the persistent widow because he got tired of hearing her over and over again. I wonder if God will get tired of hearing me over and over again. I wonder if He is bothered by my persistence. I think not. For He is a loving and merciful God who never tires of His human creations. His love for us is far greater than any irritation He may have with us. Thank You, Lord, for being patient with my persistence.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Nearer Than Before
Last night I went to a Eucharistic holy hour at Prince of Peace Church led by Jim Cowan, a wonderful musician and songwriter, formerly of the group Millenium Three. Jim and his wife, Mary, come annually to Prince of Peace to lead a holy hour. They travel around the country praising God in this way, leading the praise and worship in different communities. He has an awesome gift of song and prayer. I was lost in God's love as we worshiped, quietly sang and heard God's word in the Holy Gospel. One of the songs that touched me the most was written by Jim himself. It is called "Nearer Than Before," and the lyrics are as follows:
Lord, take the blindness from my eyes,
All my arrogance and pride,
Fill my vision with your light.
Lord, take the deafness from my ears;
When I'm dull and slow to hear,
Help me recognize your voice.
Chorus:
Lord, draw me nearer than before;
Everyday I long for more of you
To know and see your face.
Lord, draw me deeper into prayer;
Everyday I want to meet you there.
Just to spend my life with you.
Lord, take the darkness from my mind;
When confusion makes me blind,
Come renew me with your truth.
Lord, take the hardness from my heart.
Roll away the stony part;
Fill me with a love that's true.
I am often drawn to tears during Eucharistic adoration because just the thought of God's enormous love for me is more than I can handle emotionally. But, when this type of music is added to the adoration, it brings great love forward from my heart; a love that is indescribable toward a Savior that is so fine, so precious, so full of mercy and compassion that I cannot possibly not be drawn to tears in contemplating His love for me. I yearn for Him each moment of the day. With every breath I take, I physically ache to be closer to Him. I want more and more of Him. This is why this song speaks to my heart. God bless.
Lord, take the blindness from my eyes,
All my arrogance and pride,
Fill my vision with your light.
Lord, take the deafness from my ears;
When I'm dull and slow to hear,
Help me recognize your voice.
Chorus:
Lord, draw me nearer than before;
Everyday I long for more of you
To know and see your face.
Lord, draw me deeper into prayer;
Everyday I want to meet you there.
Just to spend my life with you.
Lord, take the darkness from my mind;
When confusion makes me blind,
Come renew me with your truth.
Lord, take the hardness from my heart.
Roll away the stony part;
Fill me with a love that's true.
I am often drawn to tears during Eucharistic adoration because just the thought of God's enormous love for me is more than I can handle emotionally. But, when this type of music is added to the adoration, it brings great love forward from my heart; a love that is indescribable toward a Savior that is so fine, so precious, so full of mercy and compassion that I cannot possibly not be drawn to tears in contemplating His love for me. I yearn for Him each moment of the day. With every breath I take, I physically ache to be closer to Him. I want more and more of Him. This is why this song speaks to my heart. God bless.
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