The Babe in the Manger

So tiny, so fragile, sleeping peacefully on a bed of hay;
Mary rests nearby, tired from giving birth.
Her husband keeps watch, far into the night;
Overwhelmed with the task ahead - to protect this child;
The Son of God, entrusted into his care.
Joseph sighs, and gazes lovingly at the babe in the manger;
He whispers a quiet prayer, not wishing to wake mother or son.
"Father above, you have given to me such a great responsibility.
How will I ever be able to love, teach and protect your son?
I am only a simple man, not worthy to be given this tremendous duty."

He looks out at the night sky, a tear rolling down his cheek;
An odd sensation of anxiousness overcomes him.
He desires to do God's will, in all things of his life;
No matter the difficulty or the cost to himself;
This situation is no different.
He lifts the babe into his arms, kisses His cheek;
And inhales the beautiful freshness of the newborn child.
"Lord God of Israel, of Abraham, Moses and all the Prophets before me,
Be with me always I pray, and bless this common, god-fearing servant
So that I may glorify you with my earthly care of your son."

A New Friend

After visiting Lebanon this last time in the summer of 2010, I put a short video on Youtube, telling the life of Blessed Abouna Yaqouub Haddad, a Franciscan Capucian monk who was recently beatified by Pope Benedict XVI. My purpose was to educate Americans on one of the holy men of Lebanon, soon to be canonized. I myself was not aware of the great saints of Lebanon until I visited there in the year 2007. Now I am happily familiar with the lives of Saints Charbel, Hardini, Rafqa and Maroun.

Anyway, a Maroite man posted a comment on my video and complimented my voice. He said that he liked the sound of my American English on the video. He informed me that he has a Youtube channel devoted to the Maronite Church where he has posted many movies about the Maronite Church, and that he intends to post several more in the near future. He asked if I would lend my voice to these videos, and if so, to contact him. Since I love the Maronite Church and Lebanon, I quickly agreed. Thus far we have worked together on two videos.

More importantly, however, is the friendship that has resulted from this endeavor. God has once again arranged for me to have another spiritual friend; one I did not pursue, but one who has become a close, yet geographically distant friend. He and I have shared many evening phone conversations that have lasted an hour or more. Our personalities just seem to have clicked.

What started as mere informational conversations about the early centuries of Maronite history have developed into deep conversations about religion, Lebanon, family, friendships broken, and even the teachings of the Church. I have listened to him speak, and learned what a great faith he has. Each time we talk I know that I needed his words because I needed a dose of humility. Certainly he teaches me, by his “blind and unyielding faith,” that I must imitate his way of saying, “yes” to God on a daily basis. He is a fine example of what it means to follow God without turning to look back. I thank you, God, for putting this new friend into my life. I may never meet him in person. But, having his voice on the other end of the telephone may be just what I needed. He is a blessing in my life.

God Calls Me Again

I recently learned of a young man in India named Mohammed. Mohammed has been sick much of his life, but now he is in a hospital living out his final days. He has a wife and three young children. They are extremely poor. His younger brother, Tarek, moved to another country in the Middle East to earn money to send home to his brother's family to support them. Tarek loves his brother very much and works only to provide for his brother's wife and children, and to help with his medical costs.

Several days ago I sent a small amount of money to help this man's family with some of their bills. I was told that Tarek cried like a baby and said that he couldn't believe that someone would help like this that didn't even know his family. He sent me his love and promised to pray to Allah for my family and me. I received great joy knowing that this small act of love had brought this man to tears. It was a small way to evangelize by action because he knows I am a Christian. He is Muslim. I love him tremendously because Jesus loves him.

I have felt very much drawn to go to be with Mohammed in Bangladesh, to sit with him and place my hand upon his feverish head and pray for his healing. I am questioning my God, how can this be? What would my husband say if I were to all of a sudden ask to leave and go to India with our non-existent money in the bank, to help a man I do not know because I feel a calling to this? Yet, the thought has returned over and over again, at least five times in the past few days, "Go to him and be with him in Bangladesh. Sit with him. Lay your hand upon his head and pray for his healing." If it is God truly calling me to this, then He will have to work this whole thing out and make it clearly possible, and make Joe supportive of this idea. In the meantime, I will wait to see what He opens up for me. Where will He direct me? How will He answer this dilemma? What is He doing with me now? Am I to travel to Bangladesh now? Joe said no to Lebanon, and I made four trips there. Perhaps one to Bangladesh? Or will Mother Theresa handle this one for me? I am just a nobody in Muskegon, MI, who is listening to the Holy Spirit and anxious to follow His direction in my life. He will show me the way. This is my simple prayer for today. Holy Spirit, lovely paraclete and friend, clear the way for me to follow Jesus in the will of the Father. Amen.

Note: A few days after I wrote this post, I learned that Mohammed died peacefully.

The Jesus Prayer

"Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
This is perhaps one of the simplest prayers to say. It can be said many, many times a day, anywhere, anytime. When I ponder each word, I find it has great meaning.
First, we are addressing Jesus, the central figure of the Christian religion. To all Christians, we are speaking to our Savior; the one who gave His life for our salvation; the one who by His incarnation, became human - the god-man. He is the second person of the Trinity. Christ was to be the fulfillment of the prophesies of the Old Testament. He was everything the Jews were waiting for - the awaited Savior, the Messiah, the One to Come. He was the one whom all greatly anticipated. He is the one to whom we are addressing this short, but, powerful prayer. We speak to Him as Son. He is Son of the Heavenly Father. He reminded us that if we know Him, then we know the Father because He and the Father are one. There is no closer relationship than the bond between the Father and the Son, yet we are a part of this holy relationship because we are children of the Father by adoption. We can call Him "Abba." And Jesus is thus our brother. It is a familial, covenantal bond.

Truly He is a Living God because He is, was and ever shall be, according to promises given to us by Jesus Himself. He left us able to receive Him daily in the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist, as well as through the Word we receive through the Scriptures. In addition, His Spirit is with us for all times, ready to be at our beck and call to aid us in our journeys. All we need do is ask and He will pour His graces and blessings upon us. For He is our advocate, our paraclete. Jesus promised that great things would happen through the power of the Spirit. He is here with us always, our friend, our mentor.

Next I ask for Jesus' mercy. Mercy is compassion, love, kindness, forgiveness, clemency, tenderness. All of these things are simply adjectives that describe Jesus. In my humility, I realize that no matter the extent of my sinfulness, Jesus will always be there to reach out in loving kindness and tenderness and welcome me, like the prodigal son, home again, into His loving embrace. There is nothing He wants more than to forgive and to love. From the time of the stubborn Israelites in the book of Exodus, until today, man's story is one of turning away from God. This is my story as well. Yet God's response is always and forever a story of unconditional love and forgiveness.

I am the sinner. I do not deserve to lift my eyes and place them on the face of my Savior. A sinner is one who turns his back on God; one who chooses other than God. Yet, when I admit my true place and seek His mercy with true sorrow and contrition, I know in my heart that my loving God will hear my prayer and will again forgive me and love me because He always has. I thank You, Jesus, for the sweet and beautiful Savior that You are. How is it that I am worthy of Your mercy and love? It is only because You will this for me.

What Makes a Saint?

Today is All Saints' Day. I think of all the saints I know of and try to determine the common characteristics that they share. Certainly, most importantly, they share a love of Jesus in the Eucharist, and many of them have a great devotion to Mother Mary. Some have had private revelations, others have had visions that were later sanctioned by the Church. It seems that all the saints with whom I am familiar, have the virtue of great humility. None of them ever flaunted themselves or the holiness that they had. In fact, all of them preferred to remain unknown or in the background. They did not brag about miracles that occurred around them or chapels they built, or of conversions that occurred as a result of their preaching. That would have been too much like the pharisees in the time of Jesus. And as Jesus said, the pharisees' rewards were already received on earth.

The saints were truly holy individuals who spent their time giving all the glory to God, and God alone. Their focus was on the Almighty One, not themselves. They desired to sacrifice their entire beings for the sake of holiness. I think of St. Rafqa, who lived silently in great pain, in order to share in the suffering of Jesus on the cross. I think of Mother Theresa and Abouna Yaacoub, who tirelessly served the poor, handicapped and downtrodden themselves, never failing to reflect the great love Jesus asked us all to show toward our neighbor.

Always these holy men and women found time for prayer and reflection. It was an imortant part of their daily lives. For without this time in communion with God, they would forfeit the strength and graces they needed to accomplish His daily will for them. Every day they devoted to what God desired them to do; never to their own will. This is what set them apart from the everyday people of the world. And every day they submitted to God's will, even if it meant suffering and pain for them. Each thing they did they did with the true love of the Savior. They only served with love. This was Jesus' way, and thus, their way. This is what makes a saint.

Must We Obey Authority?

When I was a child in elementary school, I remember the sisters teaching us about the Ten Commandments. The fourth commandment, Honor Your Father and Your Mother, had an interesting little glitch, because the sisters always added on a little afterthought to that commandment. They told us that we must always honor our parents and authority figures "unless what they are telling you to do or not to do goes against God's authority or what you know to be what God's will would be." I do not think I ever had to go against my parents' authority in anything they told me to do. My parents were good Catholic people and taught my brother and sisters and me to follow God's commandments, and to do what was right. Never did they tell us to do something that would have compromised our moral judgment.

As an adult,however, I have struggled greatly with the knowledge that a priest I know has on more than one occasion used his authority as a priest, to threaten people in his parish to obey his will, rather than God's will, because of his own insecurities. The people are afraid because he is the priest, and they are merely the parishioners. He has authority over them and can punish them in certain ways. In the meantime, others in the parish suffer because of this. My heart aches for this parish. They are caught in a situation over which they have no control because they are following the fourth commandment, yet the sisters who taught them, never told them about the little afterthought that the sisters taught me.

We must always be aware, and ready to challenge authority, no matter who that authority is, to stand up for what Jesus would have done in every situation, for He said, "Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, that you do unto me." No one has the authority to hold us back from loving and helping someone that is less fortunate than we are. It is our duty as Christians. And if we are punished or persecuted for standing up to authority, then the Beatitudes promise great consolation to us.

The Tax Collector

In today's gospel Jesus tells the parable of the tax collector and the publican. One said, "Lord, I am thankful that I am not like all the others. I pay tithes, I fast twice weekly... and I am thankful that I am not like this tax collector." And the tax collector, not even able to raise his eyes to look upon the Lord, says, "Lord, have mercy on me, for I am a sinner." Jesus then says, "The exalted will be humbled, and the humble will be exalted."

I know that this is where I belong, with my head bowed down, not even worthy to fix my gaze upon Him. For no matter how hard I try to serve Him and honor Him, each and every day I fall over and over again. I listen to the temptations that the world, the flesh and the devil lay before me. And I cave in because they sound oh so good. I look one way and see the Lord, Jesus. Then I look the other way and see the temptations. And for some unknown reason, I fall over and over again into the pit of choosing the wrong way, only to chastise myself and to ask myself how I could have chosen other than the only choice for me - Jesus.

Yet, I pick myself up again, return to the confessional, and ask once again for His merciful forgiveness. I abhor my sinfulness. Yet I understand that had it not been for original sin, man would not be so inclined to lean in this direction. I will never be anyone other than the tax collector, unworthy to lift my eyes to Him. But, I know that I will never stop trying to choose the right over the wrong. For He will always be my heart's deepest desire. Lord Jesus, help me to overcome my own selfish whims. Help me to hold You always above all. For You are my King and my Savior. Amen.

Lazarus and the Rich Man

Today's gospel was the story of the poor man, Lazarus, and the rich man dressed in purple robes, who stepped over Lazarus every day when he walked outside his home. Lazarus was covered with sores and only the dogs cared enough to tend to him by licking the sores on his body. Lazarus had nothing, and would have been happy to fill himself with even the scraps from the rich man's table. It is a story to remind us of our sins of omission. Jesus said that the poor would always be with us. But, do we see the poor as we go through the daily motions of life?

He is not only speaking of the monetarily poor who need our financial help (more than 56% of the world's population live on less than $2 a day), but He is also referring to the other types of poor we have among us. Do we occasionally take time to talk to the lonely widow down the street? Do we give a ride to the handicapped child who cannot walk all the way to Mass by himself or are we too proud to lower ourselves to do this? Do we teach the faith to someone who does not have access to a catechism?

We will be held accountable one day for the sins of ommission that we commit in our lifetimes. God will remind us that we had the prophets and the Scriptures to teach us these things, yet we chose to make our own rules or let our own comfort get in the way. Are we going to step over Lazarus like the rich man did and one day see Lazarus in heaven from afar as we suffer in eternal fire? Or are we going to serve our brothers here on this earth by stopping at Lazarus' side and assisting him because this is what we heard Jesus say in the gospel? Will we then join Lazarus in eternal bliss with our Lord one day?

The Gift of a Ministry

This morning I went to a funeral. The funeral was for Theresa, one of the ladies whom I visited every Sunday at the nursing home, to whom I read the gospel and brought the Eucharist. It was a beautiful funeral because many people were there; people who remembered her in her younger days when she and her husband operated a child care business in their home. It was said that Theresa couldn't have children of her own, so they adopted two sons. And it was told that over the years Theresa and her husband cared for more than 400 children, who called her "Aunt Theresa." Many of those now grown children were in attendance at the funeral, as well as their parents. I saw tears. I saw sadness. I heard stories of a woman who had much love to give and gave it to many. It was beautiful.

I thought back to the past Sunday when I went to Theresa's room to bring her the Eucharist. She had not been in her room the previous week. Her husband, Jim, and one of her sons and two grandsons were in her room. They informed me that since the last time I visited, Theresa had been in the hospital because she had a heart attack. Now she was no longer conscious and was in the last stages of life, just being made comfortable with medications. I saw such sorrow in the eyes of all four of these guys. Her husband, Jim, had been so faithful; visiting her every day at the nursing home, often staying all afternoon with her, taking her outside to see the beauty of nature; sitting with her while she dozed; holding her hand and listening to her sometimes so-confused conversation. She had developed dimentia some five years ago and recently had become extremely disoriented. Yet, she always remembered the Eucharist and loved to hear the gospel read to her.

Her two grandsons each held one of her hands as they spoke to her. One was in his twenties and had traveled from Washington state. The other was a young boy of about ten years old. The little boy periodically said to his dad, "I think she squeezed my hand, dad," with great hope that his grandma was going to open her eyes and come back to life once again. Sorrow was thick in the room. I stroked Theresa's cheek and arm, remembering the times I had conversed with her and the many stories she had told me about her sons and grandsons. I also remembered how in the past few months I had found her crying on more than one occasion, confused and scared about things she couldn't really explain.

I walked out from the nursing home sad that day, as I sometimes do. Sad for a family that would be missing the earthly presence of a dearly loved one; one who had held the family together and been the heart of the family; one they had seen grow dimmer and dimmer with time, until finally the light would be extinguished completely just two days later.

I glanced at those that God had entrusted to me as I walked out of the nursing home that day and told Him a very heartfelt "Thank you, Jesus." For I am thankful to the depths of my being, for this ministry that He opened up to me more than six years ago. He has given me the opportunity to enter into the last years of the lives of some of the most precious people on this earth; some who have been forgotten by the world; some who never see a face other than the nurses and aids who help them get dressed and get to and from the bathroom each day. I have listened to stories and had ninety-year-olds cry on my shoulder because they are lonely or afraid because they know death is imminent and they don't know what to expect. I have had little old ladies or men cry because they want to go back to their homes, yet they don't realize their homes were sold years before and none of their belongings are left.

God gave me the opportunity to hug them, kiss them and love them. He lets me be the human touch He cannot Himself give at these moments. Yet, He passes His love to them through humble me. I am so grateful to be His instrument for this. What an honor to read the Holy Scripture, the very Word itself, to those eager ears. Or to actually place the Body of Christ onto the tongues of these precious ones. I absolutely know that sometimes it is I that God uses to bring them this Holy Communion the last time they ever receive it in this human life because sometimes by the time a priest comes to confer the last sacrament, they are no longer able to consciously receive the Body of Christ. What greater duty could God give me to carry out?

When I entered the church vestibule this morning before the funeral, I hugged Theresa's husband, Jim, and expressed my sympathy. All he said was, "You are such an angel, Liz, such an angel." Yet I knew in my heart that I am not an angel; just one who desires to do the will of God entirely, every moment of every day. I pray for the courage and ability to do this forever.

I plan to carry out this nursing home ministry as long as God wills this for me, and as long as I am able to do it. Thank you, Jesus, for this gift of a ministry.

God Answers a Prayer for Karim

I believe strongly in the power of prayer. God hears our prayers and answers them in His time. He may not answer our prayers in the way we imagine, but, He answers them according to His will, which is always the best way.

When I returned Karim to Lebanon in 2009, my biggest disappointment was that none of the schools would let him in. They used all kinds of excuses, but, I feel that the real reason was fear of the unknown; fear of a handicap they didn't know anything about. It was an unfounded fear. I don't hold any bad feelings against them. They just don't know.

Karim's tutor, a beautiful and kind lady named Marleine Saba, came a couple times a week during most of the year 2009-2010 to continue his education in English and math. But, partway through the year she got full-time employment in Beirut and had to stop coming so often to Karim's house. Her time was limited. Marleine grew to love Karim during the time she tutored him, though, and she saw how smart he was, in spite of his disability.

Marleine was determined to find a school somewhere that would accept Karim. This was her mission. She contacted several schools and spoke with many people about his situation. Most of the time she was disappointed. But, yesterday I spoke briefly with her and found that there is a school that has accepted him for the fall semester. I do not have any of the details on it, other than that he will take a bus because it is in another town. She will get back with me to see if we can afford to send the money for the tuition. If necessary, I will have another fundraiser to raise this money. School is Karim's dream. To be accepted into a normal life is his hope and desire. Thanks to God's help and Marleine's persistence, this may indeed happen after all.

God's Comforting Words

I am certain that God sends people into our lives to be His own comfort to us, and to speak His words to us at times when the walk is especially difficult. I still struggle with hurt feelings from the loss of a very dear and important friend of mine, who ultimately told me to get out of his life and "go to hell" a while back. This person is high in the church, which makes it even more difficult, because one doesn't expect this type of language to come from the mouth of a chosen servant of God. All in all, I am becoming stronger from this harsh chastisement and have been praying more than ever for the soul of that very person daily. I hope that my meager prayers will be instrumental in his path to heaven. He cannot take this power to pray him into heaven away from me.

Anyway, yesterday was a bad day for me and I was thinking about this situation again and it brought tears to my eyes. I was speaking on the phone with a very good and holy spiritual friend of mine, lamenting because I am not able yet to get beyond the sadness this causes me. I told him that I wanted to move on with my life, but, I stil have these times when I think of the situation and feel so, so sad because I miss the friend I lost and I feel so hurt at the words that were said to me. I asked him what I can do? He was silent for a bit, and then he replied, "I am happy for this, Liz. I am happy for you because of this suffering you still have. I am happy because I can see you up on the cross with Jesus. You asked Jesus to suffer for the souls of priests, and there you are up there on the cross with Him doing just that. He answered your prayer and this is your opportunity to suffer for this one that hurt you. You can use this suffering. Be happy. Don't be sad."

It is often hard to see ourselves in the "big picture" and to realize that God hasn't abandoned us and yes, He really is there all the time, watching and listening to our prayers every moment. And when He sees that we are having difficulty handling life's situations, He sends someone to help us along. This is what happened yesterday. My friend was there to give me God's hug and to reassure me that things would be okay. Thank You, God, for the gift of this friend in my life.

My Lord Drew me In

This morning I made the effort and got up early to attend Mass. I've been lazy this summer and slept past the alarm every day. I'm ashamed of this. I chose sleep over the chance to receive Jesus in the Eucharist and to hear the Word of God proclaimed every single day. I argued with myself internally each morning, and the lazy part won over. But, today, Jesus won. Thank God.

It was wonderful!!! I love the Mass. I could kick myself for wasting all those mornings just rolling over in bed and enjoying the comfort of the soft sheets. How could I have chosen physical comfort over the joy offered to me in the Mass? Well, I know it was a weakness I struggled with. Forgive me, Jesus.

I saw all my old daily Mass friends from years back when I didn't work full time and from the summers off when I usually attend Mass. The faithful people still are faithful. It's wonderful to see their persistence. They are an inspiration to me. They are the prayer warriors who never give in to the flesh. I joined in with them and took part in the beautiful liturgy, expressing my sorrow for my sins, praising God and proclaiming His holiness.

Then, my heart began to race and my anticipation grew so great as I stood in line and walked toward my Lord who was drawing me in ever so gently - awaiting the chance to commune with me and to "receive me," as I, too, would receive Him on my tongue in the most holy of banquets. I was there. I took Him on my tongue and alas, I was so overcome with joy. I returned to my seat and could barely contain myself. I thanked Him for giving Himself so lovingly and unconditionally to me. I told Him over and over again how I loved Him and how sorry I was for not coming sooner in the summer. I was one with Him once again. I knew this was where I was meant to be and I didn't want to leave this loving embrace with my Lord and King. Yet, the Mass ended, the people departed, and my day was to continue elsewhere. But, I knew the grace of this sacrament would take me through whatever I was to face the rest of this day, for my strength lies only in Him. I will be there tomorrow, eagerly awaiting this communion with my adopted brother. How could I stay away ever again?

The Beauty of the Priesthood

One does not make his own decision to become a priest. God makes the decision from the beginning of time that He is going to call certain individuals to the priesthood. He knows even before these men are formed in the wombs of their mothers, that they are the ones He will beckon and call to be His shepherds on this earth; the ones He will use to touch the lives and hearts of the lost sheep. Sometimes all He need do is whisper gently in the ear of a young man, and that young man turns his life directly to the service of God. Other times, He needs to knock many times on the door of the man's heart before he finally says "Yes, Lord, I hear your call and I am ready to come follow You."

I have heard many vocation stories and they are each unique and wonderful. I have come in contact with many priests in my lifetime and have the joy of becoming personal friends with a few along the way. I loved many for their selfless service to God through their loving service to man. I have marvelled at the gentleness of their words as they pronounced the words of mercy and absolution upon me as I tearfully confessed my sins. I have joyously received the most precious Body and Blood of Christ from their hands as they fed me the Spiritual food for my journey. I have thankfully accepted the oils upon my hands as they anointed me before surgeries. I have received the sacraments of baptism, confirmation and been united with my husband in matrimony under the priest's witness. And how many times did I so happily receive the most precious priestly blessing from one of God's chosen ones?

I look to them with respect and reverence. They are the ones who stand in the person of Christ at the altar every time we attend Mass. They are the holy ones who lead us in liturgy time and time again. They are the ones who open the Scriptures to us. They are the ones who are our Christlike examples on earth. How wonderful are they!! How I love all of the priests. God bless them all. For He chose them all and He loves them all beyond measure.

Jesus, please pour out your love and blessings upon all of your chosen ones. Keep them safe. Keep them holy. Keep them under your holy watch, day and night. You are their Savior. You died for them. You already freed them from the bonds of Satan's evil ways. Love them even more, Jesus. Keep them in Your blessed embrace always. Pour out your sanctifying grace onto them every moment. Amen.

"Feed My Sheep"

After Peter denied Jesus three times he wept bitterly. He felt such intense sorrow at having wounded our Lord in this manner. How could he have turned the other way and out of fear turned on his dearest friend? Yet Jesus, in His great mercy and compassion, knew all along that he, Peter, was destined for great things. He, in spite of his failings, had already been chosen to lead the Church, the earthly institution chosen until the end of time to pass on Christ's very self to the world.

After His resurrection, when He appeared to the apostles, Jesus asked Peter three times, "Peter, do you love me?" to which Peter answered resoundingly, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you." And Jesus said "Feed my sheep." What could this mean? Through Tradition, we have come to know that Jesus meant the priests/bishops/Pope must be the "feeders" of the flock on earth. In other words, we the sheep turn to them for our spiritual food each and every day. Through them, we are fed the words of Holy Scripture; they open the Word (Jesus) to us in the Liturgy of the Word, and they feed us with the Eucharist in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Once again, I am reminded of the great importance that our priests hold in this world. We must lift them daily in our prayers and hold them always in our hearts. Love the priests. Pray for their holiness and that God will give them wisdom and strength.

The Scriptures and Forgiveness

While pondering the hurt I felt recently, I went to Scriptures once again to remind myself of what my responsibility is when someone hurts me. In the Gospel of Matthew, we read, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.'" Mt 18:21-22

So even if someone tells me to "Go to hell seventy-seven times, I must forgive him every time, because this is what Jesus tells me to do. For if He was able to forgive His murderers while He was hanging from the cross, bleeding and in severe pain, I, too, must find it in my heart to forgive the one who caused me so much emotional pain. I already forgave him and I offer my pain for him on the cross with Jesus for his soul. I want this person to obtain heaven more than I want my own self to obtain heaven out of love for him because my love for him is a gift from God.

Also, how many times each day do we Catholics recite the "Our Father" prayer? If we truly mean what we say, then we must forgive, because we say to God the Father, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Therefore, we are telling God that He should forgive us in the same way that we forgive those that have hurt us. So if we cannot find it in our hearts to forgive others for whatever they do to us, then we cannot expect God to extend His divine mercy to us when we come to our judgement at the end of our lives. It seems so simple, yet this is something that many people struggle with on earth. It is very difficult to forgive someone who has wronged us, particularly when we feel justified for holding a grudge, or when we feel that we are "right" and the other person is "wrong." The prayer doesn't say, "as we forgive those who trespass against us that we know were wrong." It merely says that God will be merciful as we were merciful. His forgiveness will be dealt to us in the same way we are merciful to those who "sinned" against us.

Wow. The Christian walk is definitely not an easy walk, is it? Father, please help me always to show mercy to those who have wronged me, whether or not they were justified. Help me to always forgive. I desire to be one with You. I desire to bear the name of Your son and call myself a Christian, so help me to be worthy of this name. Help me to emulate Your son in all that I do and say. I want to be more like Jesus every day. Please remove anything from me that gets in the way. Amen.

A Prayer to My Love

Sweetest Jesus, You know me intimately; not because I choose day in and day out to give myself entirely to You, but because You chose me first. Yes, as unworthy as I may seem at times, You did choose me long before I was even conceived in my mother's womb to be Your beloved. You willed me into being. Oh, how sweet is the love song that we pass back and forth between us. At times I am so overwhelmed with Your heavenly presence that I am brought to tears. Other times I just gaze on Your presence in the Blessed Sacrament and smile at Your simplicity and beauty.

Surely You have given me a real taste of what heaven will be when one day I will be surrounded with Your immense love and mercy and my "forever" will be spent bowing down before You, worshiping and proclaiming Your holiness - joining in the perpetual adoration while all participate in the ongoing heavenly liturgy. How can I wait, Jesus? How can I live without gazing on You until that time when my soul should be called to eternal bliss?

Give me the patience to wait, Jesus, for Your glorious call, when You will stretch out Your hand and grasp mine and say, "Come, child, your days of sacrifice are over. Your earthly sojourn is finished. Come now, to the place I have prepared for you."

Jesus, prepare me for this day. Make me a strong disciple and a warrior for Your cause. Always turn my eyes to You and never may I gaze upon myself in pride. It is You I yearn for. You are my Savior, my King and my Only True Source of Joy. I love You, Jesus, with all my being. Amen.

Once Again, The Suffering Becomes Meaningful

The terrible suffering I have endured recently because of the cruelty of the person who spoke so harshly to me has been with me daily since this person said those mean things to me. I have suffered immensely. I have lost sleep, shed many tears, and been very down at times. The human being has a great need for acceptance and love. When one is rejected and spoken harshly to, especially damned to hell by another person who was formerly a friend, it hurts a lot. The worst part is that the other person in this case does not care that he/she hurt me, nor does he/she feel that he/she wronged me by saying this. He/she feels justified and is probably feeling pretty good about himself at this time, rejoicing that he/she finally got rid of me from his/her life. That is the sad thing about the sin of pride. It makes the person feel righteous, rather than convicting the person.

While praying about it the other day, I once again recalled that for some years now, I have been asking God to let me suffer for the souls of priests. I know how Satan is attacking priests so much these days and how the Church is being attacked and thrust into the news all over the world. Satan loves this. So if I can help in a small way to atone for the sins of priests and help them regain heaven, I will do it. Suddenly, my painful emotions had a reason and I began to place them up on the cross with Jesus. I began to offer a prayer at the consecration of every single Mass I attended for the soul of a particular priest I know who I know is having difficulties. This helped ease the pain a little and it gave me a purpose for my suffering. God works in very sly ways, doesn't He?

The Word of God Brings Comfort to Me

I went to pray before the Blessed Sacrament and asked Jesus to comfort me in my sorrow after the person spoke those harsh words to me and told me to "go to hell." God led me to the following passage in scripture. It brought me the comfort that I needed at the time. God always reveals Himself to us in scripture.

"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth and summonded from its far-off places, You whom I have and will not cast off - Fear not, I am with you;
I will strengthen you, and help you, and uphold you with my right hand of justice.

Yes, all shall be put to shame and disgrace who vent their anger against you; Those shall perish and come to nought who offer resistance. You shall seek out, but shall not find, those who strive against you; They shall be as nothing at all who do battle with you.

For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you. Fear not, O worm Jacob, O maggot Israel; I will help you, says the Lord; your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. I will make of you a threshing sledge, sharp, new, and double-edged, To thresh the mountains and crush them, to make the hills like chaff. When you winnow them, the wind shall carry them off and the storm shall scatter them. But you shall rejoice in the Lord, and glory in the Holy One of Israel.

The afflicted and the needy seek water in vain, their tongues are parched with thirst. I, the Lord, will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them." Is 41:9-17

"Go to Hell"

What does it mean when a person says this to another person? The other day someone said this in anger to me. No one had ever said this to me before in my lifetime. It made me cry for more than one day. I felt physically sick and could not sleep for two nights. I could not eat. I cried out to my God for comfort. I cried out, "Why Jesus? Why would someone say this to me? What does this mean?"

To wish hell on someone means that someone desires that the person will never see the face of God; one wishes that the other person will be in eternal punishment with Satan himself; perpetually denied God's promise of eternal life. It is the most cruel thing one can wish for another person. However, when I looked at the crucifix, I recalled that Jesus, too, suffered for the sins of his friends. And He asked God to forgive them as He hung on the cross. So I forgave him in my heart and asked Jesus to accept my pain for the soul of this person.

Update on Karim

I recently visited Lebanon to see in person how Karim is doing. I was pleasantly surprised to see that physically his disease is receding slowly. His feet were still about the same, although he walks all the time on them, painfully, but, still walking. He seemed upbeat, in spite of not attending school to date. His tutor still sees him once a week, although she has secured a full-time job in Beirut and is not able to see him as often as she did previously. She is a lovely young woman who is truly interested in Karim's progress. She is currently looking into getting him into a school there. If this happens, I will have to do some more fundraising.

Lebanon was again beautiful and the people very welcoming and hospitable. I reacquainted myself with my old friends and made some new friends. The Maronite people made me part of their family. I felt comfortable and at home once again. I stayed with a young family with a two-year-old girl who plays regularly with Karim, and a three-month-old baby boy. They were very good to me. I thank them for their hospitality and kindness.

I found that still no one is bringing Karim to the Mass. The family mentioned again that they want visitors from the parish for their son and they want him to go to the Mass with someone from the parish, but no one comes to bring him. This broke my heart to know that Karim has been denied the Mass and holy communion since earlier this year when the man who was bringing him moved to another country. I cried because of this terrible truth.

While I was in Lebanon, my friend and I brought Karim to see a priest in Beirut. This priest said Mass for us and heard Karim's confession. No priest had heard his confession since he had been in America a year before. I asked this priest to give him the sacrament of the anointing of the sick, which he also did very lovingly. So because of the goodness of one priest, Karim received three sacraments all in one day. Please pray for this priest. When I thanked this priest, he replied, "No need to thank me. I am a priest. This is what I do for God. I love being a priest."

Please pray every day for all our priests. They are under attack by Satan all the time. I offer my sufferings for priests, especially those that are under attack. We can offer our sufferings right on the cross with Jesus for the souls of priests. Sometimes they do not realize that they are under attack. This is when Satan wins.

Corpus Christi

We celebrate this feast today in the Church and the gospel reading is that of the feeding of the 5,000 with the multiplication of the loaves and fishes. I read it at least ten times as I circulated through the nursing home this morning. Each time I pondered the immensity of the meaning of this reading; how it so perfectly prefigured the gift of the Eucharist, I was blown away by God's generosity to His beloved people. He told the apostles to go and feed the people themselves, knowing full well that it would be later that indeed, He would give them the power to change the bread and wine into His Body and Blood so that believers could be fed with the Eucharist until the end of time. And this perfect gift would be the source of their spiritual life on earth, uniting them so perfectly with He Himself as completely as possible outside of heaven. The gospel became a teaching moment today as one of the residents asked me questions about the Eucharist and how it actually came about in the time of Christ. The Holy Spirit used my mouth to proclaim His teachings and I felt that this man had a better understanding of this insurmountable gift because of the time spent with him today. Thank you, Jesus for using me in this ministry.

The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit is a gentleman. He never forces His gifts upon anyone, but he gently offers them to us. To those that are open, much is received. Some are never open, and never know what they are missing; nor do they even care.

Of course the Isaiahan gifts that we receive in confirmation are always the most important gifts and are given the highest recognition. These are the gifts of Wisdom, Fortitude, Fear of the Lord, Counsel, Piety, Knowledge and Understanding. All who are confirmed receive these gifts and we should pray to the Holy Spirit to increase these gifts daily in our lives.

Some years back I became involved with a small charismatic prayer group and through the Franciscan University of Steubenville, some charismatic priests and my prayer group, I found a much deeper relationship with Jesus through my newfound knowledge and relationship with the Holy Spirit. Along with this relationship with the Holy Spirit came an introduction to the charismatic gifts of the Holy Spirit that are found in the New Testament, particularly in 1 Corinthians Chapters 12 and 13. Some of these gifts are the gift of tongues, interpretation of tongues, the gift of prophecy, the gift of healing, teaching and discernment of spirits.

When I stepped into the charismatic world (which is promoted and condoned by the Catholic Church, and was a big part of the life of Pope John Paul II) my prayer life became so much more fruitful. I experienced oneness with Jesus like I had never experienced before. Sometimes His presence was so real that I didn't know if I was dreaming or not.

My reason for sharing this is just to encourage any readers to be open to different types of Catholic prayer. Prayer doesn't have to be dull and always memorized rote words. It can be an "encounter" with the living Christ. Step out of your comfort zones and enter into one on one conversation with the best friend you will ever have, Jesus Christ. Pour your heart out to Him and then sit and just listen for His response. You may be surprised how beautiful a different type of prayer can be. God bless you all.

What Can I Give My God and King?

Each day my Lord surprises me with something more wonderful than the day before. It might be the smell of a lilac tree as I walk through the yard, or it might be a smile on the face of one of the students in the school at which I work. There is beauty around me all over the place, just waiting to be discovered and recognized. When I take the time to notice it, I know immediately, that it is God's gift to me. I thank Him and smile at His goodness and kindness toward me; a humble servant.

When in prayer I often ask Him, "What can I give you, Lord? I have nothing much to give You." Of course when one receives such generous and loving gifts from above, there is always a desire to give back to the King of Kings. What can I give? I contemplated this question and came up with a few simple answers. I can give my words of love in prayer whenever I think of Jesus, which should be almost continually. The Scriptures tell us to pray constantly. I can give Him a smile when I smile at another human being; particularly one who doesn't often receive smiles. This is the most precious of smiles. I can give Him my hands when I touch the handicapped and poor, for some are repulsed by such as these. He Himself touched the lepers when He healed them and rubbed his fingers on the eyes of the blind in order to restore their sight. This touch is like the touch of smooth silk on a rough hand; gentle and soothing. I can give Him my words of encouragement when I offer love and compassion to someone who is hurting, or when I forgive those who have hurt me. These are the words He longs to hear. They warm His heart. These are the words He invited us to say when He walked the earth.

So, my gifts may not be great and showy. No one may ever see my gifts besides me. But, God receives them and He alone acknowledges them. These are perhaps the greatest of the gifts He receives because they are the ones given in secret. Yes, Lord, I will continue to offer these little tiny tokens of my immense love for you each day of my life. This is all I have to give. But, I offer it all to You. For all I have is to offer You this gift of love that I can give away to others. And with this gift of love, I receive joy in serving You.

How God is Using Charbel

My friend, Charbel, moved to Qatar in early February, from Lebanon. In Lebanon, he lived in a small Christian city, where life is simple and everything revolves around the Maronite church, Saydet Talle. Life is good there. I know this because I visited there three times. People are loving and kind to one another. It is not a wealthy area, by any means. It is relatively poor. But, love makes it rich. The majority of the people in the city enjoy each others' company and holy days are celebrated by the whole community. It is beautiful to see. Most families know each other.

It was a difficult, but brave decision for Charbel to leave his family, friends and homeland to go to a strange country to improve his way of life. Qatar is much different from Lebanon. It is a very hot, dry country with a much higher concentration of people than Lebanon. There is a myriad of nationalities in the capital city where many come to seek a better way of life. The country is 97% non-Christian and it is against the law for Christians to speak of their religion openly to non-Christians. If they are caught doing this, they can be thrown in jail and fined heavily.

In the few short months since Charbel has lived in Qatar, however, people have seen the goodness and love that flow from him, and this has attracted the attention of some of the non-Christians; enough that some have inquired as to his goodness. One such occasion was during the Holy Week celebrations, Charbel was singing in the choir of his new parish and they were outside in the streets during a procession where the Way of the Cross was depicted by the youth of the parish. A Muslim bystander spoke with Charbel and asked him some questions about his faith. Charbel replied, "You know it is against the law for a Christian to speak of his faith to a non-Christian and I could be thrown in jail for speaking with you. I cannot speak with you about this." To which the man replied, "Sir, I swear by my own son that I will not tell of this if you will answer my questions." So they went off to the side and the man asked Charbel some questions about Christianity. He wanted to know about the Trinity and how God could be a human being and why God would allow His son to be killed. He couldn't understand how this would be true. He asked for Charbel's telephone number and if he could meet another time to ask more about Christianity.

As a production manager of the division of the glass company for which he works, Charbel has many workers reporting to him. He is kind to the workers, and often buys snacks and pepsi for them on their breaks. He spends time talking with them and just being with them. They are not used to this. This affects their morale, and they want to do a good job for him. He has had other conversations in the street here and there with workers who are non-Christian, inquiring as to why he treats the workers so nicely. I believe that the goodness of Christ flows from Charbel and they see this, whether or not they know that is what they are seeing. For, the first time I met him, back in 2007, I immediately could see this in him.

God uses people like this to reach others in profound ways, merely through their kindness and example. St. Francis said, "Go out and preach the gospel, and when necessary, use words." This is what Charbel does, and what we should all do. Let's go out and preach with our actions and love!!

Another time,

Must We Accept Love?

Throughout Jesus' public life, He spoke continually of how we should love God first, but the second commandment that He constantly preached was to love our neighbor as ourselves. He taught this on so many different occasions. He commanded us to love one another as He loved us. He even told the parable of the Good Samaritan when asked about who our neighbor is.

If we are to love one another, then that means there must be an object, or recipient of our love. That is plain logic. Love does not make sense if there is no recipient. So in effect, Jesus was commanding us not only to "love" one another, but to "receive" love as well. Sometimes it is difficult to receive love, but in most cases it is pride that prohibits one from receiving love. If one truly examines why he or she cannot or will not receive love, it boils down to pride.

By refusing the love of others, one prohibits others from obeying Jesus' greatest commandment. We must consider not only ourselves, but others, too, as we walk the Christian walk. Sometimes the more that is given to us, the more God expects.

The Washing of the Feet

I was priviledged to be the lector on Holy Thursday at the Mass of the Last Supper. In the U.S. it is not mandatory, but allowed, that after the sermon, twelve men get their feet washed by the priest up in front of the altar, representing what Jesus did at the last supper when He washed the feet of the apostles. He told the apostles that what He did they also must do. In effect, He was telling them that even He, the Son of God, is to serve. We, too, must do what He does, and serve others. Never should we consider it above our station in life to serve others, no matter how menial the job. Footwashing was one of the lowliest jobs for a servant to do.
Since I was the lector at this Mass, I sat close by and observed as Father washed the feet and soft music played in the background. My mind wandered to three occasions when feet played a significant part in a situation in my life. The first one was when I was in Medjugorje in 2006. I took my shoes and socks off to walk up apparition hill barefoot so that I could offer up the discomfort as a sacrifice to God. It was very uncomfortable and by the time I descended the rocky hill, I had fallen a couple of times and the bottom of my feet were bruised and scraped. As soon as I got down, there were some little shops and I sat down on the ground to put my shoes and socks back on. I was rubbing my feet and must have looked uncomfortable because one of the shop owners came running over to me with a small pillow and a cup of water. He told me to sit on the pillow and offered me the water to drink. I gladly accepted. He told me he would be right back. A couple of minutes later, he returned with a plastic jug of water and towel. In broken English he explained that he wanted to wash my feet. I felt embarrassed, but he insisted. He tenderly washed and dried my feet. It was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.
Then my mind wandered to my little handicapped friend, Jason, who died a few years ago at the age of 18. I used to visit him at his house. Jason was wheelchair bound and could not speak. He was very misshapen, had to be tube fed and wear diapers. He was very handicapped, but, he knew me and knew that I loved him very much. I would visit him and he would smile at me with a huge smile from ear to ear. When I would visit Jason, I would massage his limbs. His little feet were very malformed. He couldn't wear regular shoes because his feet were so bent. One of his feet was more crooked. I would always hold that little foot and kiss the toes and massage that foot. I called it "my favorite foot." He liked that. I thought of Jason's foot while Father washed the feet.
Lastly, my mind wandered to Karim, whom I had in my home for a total of sixteen months. As you can see from the picture above, his feet were terrible from his disease. One job I had was to cut the dead skin off the bottom of his feet and away from his toes. He would cry and complain and often we would both be crying as I did this miserable job several times a week. Then we would bathe his feet and put the proper creams on them. The washing of the feet reminded me of this foot washing. The thought of this brought tears to my eyes and I had difficulty composing myself. I realized that I had indeed "washed feet" as Jesus had. What a joy to serve Christ by serving others in this way. I pray to have many more opportunities to "wash feet" of others in my lifetime.

A Continual Prayer for Karim

This picture is of a relic of Blessed Abouna Yaacoub that is in the first church dedicated to this saintly man. The church is on the mountain of the cross in Deir El Kamar, Lebanon, and was dedicated in June of 2009 when Abouna Yaacoub was beatified. I was fortunate to have attended the first Mass in this beautiful church when I visited Lebanon. Each time I attend Mass my prayer at the consecration is "Heavenly Father, I ask You to wash Karim clean with the blood and water that flowed from the side of Your son, Jesus. And I ask in the name of Your son, Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, and through the intercession of Mary, His Most Holy Mother, Abouna Yaacoub, St. Charbel, Padre Pio and Pope John Paul II, that in Your great love and mercy for him, You would hear my prayer and heal him of his disease." I call upon the saints of Lebanon, particularly Yaacoub, whose very life was dedicated to loving and ministering to the handicapped and the sick, even right there on the mountain of the cross. I know for certain in my heart that if he were living today, he would serve God by ministering to little Karim.

I will make one last visit to Lebanon this summer to be with Karim and to see my other sweet Lebanese brothers and sisters. I hope to spend one entire night with Karim in Abouna Yaacoub's church. There I will offer a night of prayer and petition, seeking answers from God and from Abouna Yaacoub himself. Perhaps I will find peace and be able to let go of this great hope of mine. Perhaps God will give me the strength to rest in His will as is. But, I have not entirely found this peace yet; thus, the need to return one last time to Lebanon, my second home, among the Maronite people, my beloved second family.

Deepening Love

It was nearing the end of Jesus' public life. He had given his friends predictions about what was to happen to Him; that He soon would go where they could not follow Him; that the Son of Man would suffer and die, but that He would send another advocate to be with them. They did not understand these things. Peter wanted to defend Him against such a hideous death, but to that Christ replied, "Get behind me, you Satan." For Peter was thinking as man thinks, not as God thinks. Peter did not see the overall plan of God and how this was always in the plan from the beginning of time. The Son's will was always the Father's will, bound with the love of the Holy Spirit; Three as One, One in Three; an inseparable and inexplainable Mystery of our faith.

He continued to walk on with them, teaching and instructing them every moment He could, trying to give them all He could in these last times with them. He wanted them to know how great His love for them was, and that He entrusted them to the Father and the Spirit, even though they always were in the Father and the Spirit, because of the Trinitarian nature of our God. Yet, He continued to deepen this love, minute by minute as the time neared for His entry into Jerusalem, where He would be welcomed like a King, and later even proclaimed a King by the very ones who posted the sign upon the cross, the instrument of His death.

How can I deepen my love for You, Jesus, as I enter these last days of lent? I have shown my weakness during this holy season. I have stood with the soldiers and the jeerers of the crowd. I have been a member of the sanhedrin. So how can I join with Mary and John and Mary Magdalene? How can I cast away my fear and follow you bravely along the way of the cross? How can I trust that God's ways are indeed the only ways, even when the road is difficult and it seems so long? Why does it seem that I have so many roadblocks along the way that deter me? Why do I always get sidetracked? Why am I so easily distracted? Help me, Jesus, to be more like your mother Mary, and to just say "yes" to God's calling on my life and follow without question. This is the freedom You desire me to have. Help me to obtain this freedom in You. Amen.

Amazing Grace

At my school we have a special music class led once a month by the behavior specialist for the intermediate school district. The students all gather in the cafeteria. Here Steve leads with his guitar and one of the students accompanies some of the songs on the drums. He has an amazing talent on the drums. The students take turns selecting a song and standing up in the front with the microphone and leading the rest of the students in singing the song. It is great fun. Usually the songs are simple children's songs like "The Wheels on the Bus" or "The Farmer in the Dell."

Last Friday we got together for song. Ryan, who I've mentioned before, asked to be wheeled up to the front. He wanted to lead "Amazing Grace." Steve didn't know the chords for that one. So bravely, and without accompaniment, Ryan sang "Amazing Grace." The words were sometimes difficult to understand, but the message was clear. I had tears in my eyes, as did other staff, as he sang loudly and by himself. Yes, Ryan, God has given you amazing grace, to come forth and sing boldly His praises, despite your circumstances. You, so helpless by yourself, yet so joyful in God above, for you find love and joy in the Lord, despite the physical gifts that others have; despite the fact that you have to rely on others for all of your physical care; despite the fact that you are completely at the mercy of everyone else. Your example brings amazing grace to others, as well. For we can examine our own attitudes and learn from you. You need not speak a long lesson to us, for a few stanzas of a simple song speak volumes to us of Amazing Grace!!

The Passion of the Cross

I write this while on retreat with my God's Embrace Community. We have been contemplating the passion of Christ this weekend in lectio divina style in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It has been beautiful. Very personal. Very real. I offer some of my thoughts, born from prayer and the group spiritual direction we experienced.

Am I like Peter, James and John, who fell asleep when Jesus asked them to stay awake for a mere hour while He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane? Or have I always been awake and ready to serve Him at all times? I must admit, I have been the one who fell asleep many times in my life, including the times I decided to stay in bed rather than to rise early for daily Mass on my day off of work. And when praying in the Eucharistic Adoration chapel, I admit I have occasionally dozed off. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Have I abandoned the Lord like the disciples did when the soldiers came to arrest Him? For heaven's sake, yes. How many times have I chosen to run away when fear or stupidity had hold of me when it came to defending my faith in front of non-Catholics. My fear of sounding "dumb" or ill-prepared caused me to remain silent and not stand up for my faith. I was like Peter when my silence was louder than His betrayals.

And how about at the foot of the cross? Would I have been there for Him like John, the beloved? Or would I be hiding somewhere off in the background because my fear of repercussion would have been greater than my courage to defend my Lord and God? I think that I would have probably been off with the others.

It is easy to say "I would not have left you, Lord. I would have stood by You all the way." But, Peter said this also, and he himself denied his Lord and friend three times, leading him to go off and cry bitterly in sorrow and despair.

Luckily, we have a God who is merciful, forgiving, and most of all loving. He is not a grudge-holder. On the other hand, in spite of all our many repeated failings, we can be assured that if we but just look at Him with sorrow in our hearts, that He will look back with great love and compassion and forgiveness. His eyes will tell of how much more powerful His love is than our failings. So as I continue to walk the passion during these final weeks of lent, I will fix my eyes on His and vow to do my best to avoid those things that hurt my King, and be the Veronica and the Simon for the remainder of this sorrowful season.

Father Matt's Ordination Video

Last summer when I took Karim back to Lebanon, I missed attending the ordination of Brother Matt Russick, a young man from our community who was ordained to the priesthood out east in Pennsylvania. I would have gone to his ordination if my travel plans hadn't conflicted because I have always been fond of Matt, and he has been a good example to my youth group through the years. In addition, he took the time to come to my house and meet Karim and to pray with him. I know he will be a fine priest and will be attentive to young people.

Fr. Matt's mother recently gave me a copy of a video made of his ordination since I had expressed interest in obtaining one if they should get one. I watched it tonight for the first time. It was amazing. This video renewed my love for the priesthood. One of the things that struck me the most was how beautiful it is to see a large number of priests together celebrating Mass. Here they had all come together to celebrate the ordination of a new "brother" priest. There were many priests and they all participated in individually laying their hands on his head when they called the Holy Spirit down upon him. And again, after the bishop ordained him, they each stood in line to give him a congratulatory hug. It was beautiful.

I like to hear the male voices raised in song. It is the voice of an angelic choir coming together to praise the Lord in unison. What is especially unique is that each one of them was individually chosen by God Himself to fulfill the priestly mission on earth - to bring the sacraments to the faithful - to be the shepherds to the sheep - to open our minds to the Word Himself - to feed the flock. And each one of them has the unparalleled gift of becoming Christ "in persona" when he celebrates the Mass and says the words of consecration and declares "This is my body which was given up for you." Shall I say more?

Fr. Matt's ordination video was just another opportunity for me to recharge my heart's love of the priesthood. Now I can continue my daily prayers for vocations with greater enthusiasm and gusto. Lord knows, we need more priests and religious. God will send them our way. We just need to trust in His ways.

The Pieta

At my parish church, St. Michael's, there is a beautiful statue of the Pieta. I used to take Karim there to look at this statue and pray by it because the wounds Jesus bore reminded me of Karim's wounds. Like Jesus, Karim's hands and feet had open sores on them, often bleeding where they cracked open. His mid-section around his groin area was covered with a manifestation of his disease. This reminded me of the place of Jesus' side where the soldier thrust the sword into His flesh to make sure He was indeed dead. And finally, Karim had sores on his face and about his ears, sometimes causing him pain and itching and sometimes bleeding, as well. Jesus suffered from the wounds caused from the crown of thorns on His precious head.

On Wednesday I went to pray at church after I left work. I found myself pondering that statue. I went behind the communion rail so that I could be right next to the statue and I touched all of the wounds on Jesus' body, contemplating each one individually. I looked into Mary's sorrowful eyes and spoke to her, telling her how I was so sorry for the pain that she had to endure as a mother of this man that had suffered so right before her eyes; the innocent one who had been slaughtered for the sins of the many guilty ones, including me. The statue had tears coming down her cheeks as she looked upon her son with such pain in her eyes. I reached up and attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes. Of course, this wasn't possible, since it was a plaster statue, including the tears.

I continued to go from wound to wound, thinking of the significance of each, and begging the Father to hear my continued prayers for little Karim. I thought of Jesus' words, "Whatever you ask the Father in my name, it will be given to you." These words have gone through my head so many times for the past three years. I say them over and over again, yet I remind myself that it is only according to His holy will that these prayers will be answered.

Then I sighed a deep sigh and rested my head upon Jesus chest, holding in my left hand his limp left hand, and with my right, enfolding his mother's hand and his right hand which were clasped together as she held Him one last time. I entered into this sorrowful love scene. I became a part of this sorrowful love scene. I kissed each one of Jesus' wounds before I left. And I went home with the hope in my mind that one day the Father will indeed answer my unselfish prayer for Karim because the judge answered the persistent widow because he got tired of hearing her over and over again. I wonder if God will get tired of hearing me over and over again. I wonder if He is bothered by my persistence. I think not. For He is a loving and merciful God who never tires of His human creations. His love for us is far greater than any irritation He may have with us. Thank You, Lord, for being patient with my persistence.

Nearer Than Before

Last night I went to a Eucharistic holy hour at Prince of Peace Church led by Jim Cowan, a wonderful musician and songwriter, formerly of the group Millenium Three. Jim and his wife, Mary, come annually to Prince of Peace to lead a holy hour. They travel around the country praising God in this way, leading the praise and worship in different communities. He has an awesome gift of song and prayer. I was lost in God's love as we worshiped, quietly sang and heard God's word in the Holy Gospel. One of the songs that touched me the most was written by Jim himself. It is called "Nearer Than Before," and the lyrics are as follows:

Lord, take the blindness from my eyes,
All my arrogance and pride,
Fill my vision with your light.
Lord, take the deafness from my ears;
When I'm dull and slow to hear,
Help me recognize your voice.

Chorus:
Lord, draw me nearer than before;
Everyday I long for more of you
To know and see your face.
Lord, draw me deeper into prayer;
Everyday I want to meet you there.
Just to spend my life with you.

Lord, take the darkness from my mind;
When confusion makes me blind,
Come renew me with your truth.
Lord, take the hardness from my heart.
Roll away the stony part;
Fill me with a love that's true.

I am often drawn to tears during Eucharistic adoration because just the thought of God's enormous love for me is more than I can handle emotionally. But, when this type of music is added to the adoration, it brings great love forward from my heart; a love that is indescribable toward a Savior that is so fine, so precious, so full of mercy and compassion that I cannot possibly not be drawn to tears in contemplating His love for me. I yearn for Him each moment of the day. With every breath I take, I physically ache to be closer to Him. I want more and more of Him. This is why this song speaks to my heart. God bless.

Jesus, My One True Love

I have noticed recently that when I attend Mass, it has become so much more real to me. I don't know if it is because my prayer life has improved, or because I have strived to become closer to Jesus, My One True Love. But, I get a feeling of being in a euphoric state when I am in Mass sometimes. I often feel as if I am in a state of somewhere "other than" that is very hard to describe. There seems to be a sense of no time, yet all time at the same time, if this makes any sense. I do not wish to leave this beautiful area where my senses seem to touch those of Jesus. It is a place where He is in me and I in Him. It is always the time from the consecration until the end of Mass when I get this sort of "lost in God" feeling. I receive Him physically into my being through the Sacrament of the Eucharist. There I know my King has been consumed by me, yet at the same time, I know that I have also been received into Him. So the two of us have become one, much like spouses in the marital embrace. Ahhh. It is such a beautiful image to bring to mind when I think of my Jesus in this holy, Eucharistic embrace, unparalleled by anything else in this world. I sink into oblivion and revel in His glorious love for just a few minutes until the priest reminds us that the Mass is over and it is our time to go out in peace to love and serve others in His holy name. What a beautiful mission. What a great, great task to be given on this earth; to bear His name and to do to others in imitation of Him. Oh Lord, You are so marvelous!! Great and wonderful are You!!

Why Sacrifice?

I have a sweet friend that I met on Facebook named Jessica. She is a young girl of 23 and is the niece of my friends, Jean and Rita Karim in Lebanon. She lives in New York City. She and I have talked a lot of Lebanon because I have been there three times in the past three years and Jessica longs very much to go there and be with her family. We share lots of conversation. Jessica reads this blog and we sometimes discuss it. I like her inquisitive nature. She read with interest the post that I wrote some time back about my joy when I realized that my depression had been an answer to my prayer to suffer for priests; how I had turned my suffering into a new joy because it could be used as redemptive suffering if I joined my suffering with those of Christ on the cross to benefit the souls of priests. I told her that I had offered to God that I would like to suffer for the souls of priests, and in particular for a priest friend of mine. And she was surprised when I told her that now that my depression was over, I was asking God to suffer in some other physical way, for the souls of priests again.

Jessica asked, why suffer? Why not just pray for priests? I had to think a bit. This is a difficult concept for many to understand, especially nowadays, when we don't hear a lot about redemptive suffering, particularly in America. I probably didn't give an adequate answer, but, this is how I responded. And I invite any readers to comment if I am wrong, or to add to my answer please. First, I told Jessica that in Scripture itself somewhere it says that we must make up for that which is lacking in Christ. I cannot quote the chapter and verse because I am not good at citing verses. Of course nothing is lacking in Christ, but, I understand this to relate to the suffering to which I am referring.

Then, I explained that if we can be right up there on the cross suffering with Jesus, this is the ultimate sacrifice, and just as He could make up for the sins of the world, so too could we help some people with their sins by joining with Him on the cross. Perhaps my words are not adequate, but, the idea is there. A prayer is always good for someone's soul; but, how much better is an act of suffering. Jesus took His prayer one step further - to the cross and to His death. So if we take our prayer one step further - to suffering, shouldn't this bear more weight? It is not that God wants us to suffer, just that in our service to him we need to be willing to suffer.

We hear over and over in the lives of saints, their willingness to suffer for the souls of others. This is a saintly thing to do. If we are striving for holiness, should we not imitate the holiest ones? So, in my inadequate way, I have attempted to explain why I have decided to offer sacrifice for the souls of priests in general, and for particular priests. I hope this helps.

The Fog

Early each morning this week the fog was extremely dense as motorists crossed the causeway on their way to work. This morning as I was in that line of motorists, I thought how much it reminded me of our walk with Christ. I could not see more than fifteen feet in front of me because the blanket of fog was so dense. Yet, I had faith that if I continued on my path I would reach my final destination. All I could see, was the faint hint of a light, distant in the sky somewhere, which my senses told me, was the sun. I couldn't see the whole thing, so I couldn't verify this; just a tiny little glint of light up ahead. I continued slowly on the path that my blind faith told me would bring me to the school where I work. After I passed over the causeway and got away from the rivers, the fog cleared and I could once again see clearly, the road ahead, and the bright sun in the morning sky. I easily made it to work on time.

This reminded me of life's journey, where the road to our final destination with Christ our Lord is often difficult to see. Things get in the way and we cannot see where we are going. We have to rely on blind faith alone, and trust in God to lead us where we are meant to go. Sometimes we get lost in the fog of difficult times. Sometimes we even get completely turned around, headed in the wrong direction. But, we must look for the glint of the Son. We must seek Him and keep our eyes always on Him and follow Him, even if it means hanging on to Him by only a mere thread. We should never let Him out of our sight. If we keep Him always in our sight, then sooner or later, we will emerge from the fog and see Him once again clearly, and the road will become open and evident to us. This doesn't mean it will be an easy road, for Jesus Himself said the road would be a narrow road. But, it will be accessible to us, if we only take that road to our Lord. He has a place prepared for each and every one of us. So let us make our way through the fog and keep our eyes on the Son. He is waiting with open arms.

The Responsibility of Truth

Today is a holiday from school so I had the opportunity to attend daily Mass. It was wonderful. The priest, Father Matt, gave a beautiful sermon on the responsibility we have to tell the truth to others, and to hold them to the truth, even when this may cause them to step back and examine their own consciences. It is difficult to hold others accountable, but, if they are truly seeking to follow Christ, they will be thankful that they were held accountable. (After all, we are held accountable when we confess through the means of a man in the sacrament of penance.) It was as if he were speaking directly to me because I have been struggling with this exact situation with a person I know who is caught in a knot of deceit and lies, the most significant of which has caused another person to be denied the Eucharist on Sundays. Because of his pride, he denies any wrongdoing, even though Jesus knows the truth. Father Matt says all we can do in such a case is bravely speak the truth and hand it over to God. It is up to the other person to reconcile with God. In most cases, if one seeks true communion with God, and wants to imitate Jesus Christ, he will be thankful for the reminder by his friend, and will get back on track. So, if someone reminds you that you are headed away from truth, examine your conscience and make a u-turn. And if you notice your friend doing the same, gently, and in love, help him back to the right path. This is what Christian love is all about. Love means helping the other person to heaven.

Loving Christ

I remember more than once my spiritual director saying that loving Christ isn't merely about this relationship between "Christ and me." It isn't about "me, me, me." A relationship built merely on God and me is not the relationship Jesus had in mind. When one looks throughout the gospels, one can't help but see that Jesus' message was always that of loving one another. He did not say "Love me." He did not say, "Form this special relationship with just me." This is not what He preached. The relationship has to go from man to Christ and from Christ to man. But, it must go further than this. The relationship must also go from man to man if we are to be obedient to what Jesus commanded us to do, "love one another as I have loved you." How sad if one were to miss the main message of all the gospels.

If we have love for God but not for one another, we have nothing. He even says this in the first letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13, when he expands upon love. If we ignore Jesus' command to love, then we ignore Jesus. Man was meant to love man, and to receive love from man. For in loving man, by Jesus' own words, we love Jesus Christ Himself. And if we do not love man, but, say that we love Christ, we make ourselves into liars.

God gives us opportunities every day to love Him when He places before us those who need our love. They may be our families, our friends, or the stranger on the street that needs a smile this very moment. Or it could be a friend who we have hurt emotionally. Let us see the face of Christ in each person with whom we come in contact and treat that person as if he were Christ Himself we were speaking to. Perhaps the words that escaped our mouths would be a lot kinder and more forgiving and loving.

The Dance

I looked out the window in the early evening sky
And my God was playing with me.
For I watched a show, so beautiful to behold;
Only my eyes seemed to observe.

The sun, she danced, she spiraled 'round,
Amidst lovely shades of pink.
As I looked again the brightest gold
Surrounded her heavenly orb.

I chuckled within and remembered the day
In Medjugorje when all sought that site,
Yet I yearned for nothing of the sort;
Just a song in my heart, to reassure me of Jesus' love.

I turned my gaze out the window again
To the cloud-filled sky on my right,
Where now the sun was dressed in blue,
As she circled and bounced for my joy.

While the plane soared on the dance kept going,
And the smile upon my face
Grew wider as I snickered,
And the blue turned to orange so bright.

I watched and I marvelled as He showed me
The dance, while the colors continued to change.
My heart was abounding with love for my Lord
Who had shared with me His awesome beauty.

I quietly rested my head on the window,
And inhaled thoughts of my glorious King.
So holy, so marvelous, so precious is He
To have traveled with me in His skies.

A True Friend

During one's lifetime, one meets various people who come and go. Some are friends for a short time; some for longer periods of time. In rare instances, one finds a lifetime friend. A true friend is hard to come by, particularly as one moves into mid-life. A true friend is definitely a rare gift from God. I met one such person a little more than two years ago when I traveled to Lebanon the first time. Actually, my daughter, Laura, became friends with two young men a few years older than she is, Charbel Jerdi and Youssef Bou Abdo. At the time, I was pleased with her new friendships because I never felt as if I had to worry about her in this foreign country, roaming around all hours of the night with these new friends. They were polite, very kind, and extremely faith-filled young men. They spent many hours with a group of young people from the parish in the two weeks that we were there.

We kept in touch often after that visit, through phone and e-mail. They both stayed in contact with Laura and me. I visited Lebanon two additional times, once with Laura and again by myself. The third time, I spent a lot of time with Charbel and we grew to be very close friends. We shared a lot of conversations and shared our love for Karim, whom Charbel had taken under his wing even before the story of Karim became public. Charbel and I share a very deep love for handicapped and elderly people.

The other thing that Charbel and I have in common is our deep love of Jesus, Mary and the Catholic faith. Charbel is one of the most saintly men I know. The love of Jesus radiates from this young man. In my heart I believe he may have a vocation to the priesthood, but, God has not made that clear to him as of yet. He does not have a mean bone in his body. And nearly everyone in his city loves him because of his great love for others.

I speak regularly with Charbel because we have much to share with each other about faith and we have helped each other through difficult times in our lives. He waits for my call or to speak on the computer and we often talk for two hours in the middle of the night in Lebanon. He gives up his sleep so that he can talk because it's sometimes the only time we can both be available at the same time. I think of how in the Book of Proverbs the Scriptures speak so highly of the value of a good friend. And I thank God for gifting me with my friend, Charbel, 6,000 miles away, yet right here in my heart always.

Danny

I could write a book about my experiences with bringing the Eucharist to the people in the nursing home on Sundays for the past six years. It has been one of the greatest joys that God has given to me. I look back at it and wonder why it took me so long to volunteer for such a great privilege. At first, I didn't want to do it because I felt unworthy. Then Sister Agnes told me that someone needs to do it, and none of us are worthy, so why not give it a try. So I agreed. And six years later, I love this ministry and I miss it when I am away and have to ask for a replacement. I worry about my elderly friends when I do not see them on Sundays. Some of them teach me a lot. And even if they don't teach me, God gives me great love for them. My daily prayer is always, "Jesus, give me the love you have for all people this day and every day." And I know He answers this prayer because often my love for people is so intense that I cannot contain it; especially the love I feel for the elderly, the handicapped, the poor, and His priests.

Danny came to the nursing home last August. He is a short fellow in his 80's. He lived a rather glamorous life having had a very small role in the movie "The Wizard of Oz" as a child. He lived his life among the Hollywood Stars, never making it big, but, becoming a friendly and common face among the rich and famous, particularly among the late '40's and '50's. He served in the army on Iwo Jima during World War II. He retired to Muskegon about ten years ago and worked as a greeter at the local grocery store, handing out autographed pictures of himself in his "flying monkey" costume from the movie, still receiving recognition for his famous connection.

Last August, he had a stroke which left him wheelchair bound and not able to control his bladder. He does not have the use of the left side of his body. He is totally dependent on the caretakers at the nursing home, even to feed him and wipe his mouth. He is lonely and feels like he is a burden. It is very sad.

However, in his loneliness and helplessness, Danny has rediscovered his complete dependence on God. Almost every time I bring him the Eucharist, he begins to cry as soon as I start to say, "This is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world..." He says, "I need Him more than ever now." He cries because he knows how important God is to him and how much he needs Jesus. I don't know what his faith life was like before, other than that he was a practicing Catholic. But, I know that he has just about given up hope now. It gives me the opportunity to speak words of Jesus' love for him. It gives me the opportunity to put my arms around him and hug him and kiss his bald head. I can wipe his tears and place the King of the Universe on his tongue as he weeps out of gratitude. I can be the hands of Christ to him at a moment when he needs God's embrace. This is one of those times when I know God has answered my prayer and given me His love for someone on earth because my heart wants to burst with love for this frail little old man. And when I hug Danny, I am hugging Christ Himself.

Update on Karim

A couple of weeks ago I received the news that Karim has not been brought to Mass for some months now. His parents do not bring him. My friend, Charbel used to bring him, but became very busy and no one else from his parish ever brought him. Now Charbel is moving away from Lebanon. He is one of the few that consistently visited and loved Karim. I understand that another person that visits him from the parish is a young mother named Clara, who brings her little baby girl, Jane, to visit Karim. This is a delightful thing for Karim, because he loves babies, and Clara lets Karim play with her two-year-old who also loves Karim. Clara has consistently brought her little girl to visit Karim ever since I brought him back to Lebanon in June. I believe she is the only other one that continues to visit him regularly. I am thankful that someone found it in her heart to make Karim a part of her life; to find time to visit with him and to fit him into her schedule. I am sure God is pleased with this. He is not able to receive the sacraments because he is not taken to Mass and no one comes to bring communion to him.

I heard from Father Antonio that the landlord of Karim's family told them that they have until the end of January to leave the house they are in and find another place to live. I do not know why he is demanding this. It is a devastating thing for several reasons. First, they have been staying there for so many years, in exchange for Younes (Karim's father) working the garden and giving the bulk of the produce to the owner. Second, we used $7,000 of Karim's fund money in early 2008 to renovate the building to bring it up to a standard that was healthy enough for him to live in, including putting in running hot and cold water, a bathroom with toilet and bathtub, kitchen sink with faucet, new floor, roof over the patio to protect Karim's skin from the sun, patched the roof, etc. Finally it was suitable for Karim to live in. Now I pray that he will be in a different house that will at least have the running hot and cold water and a toilet. In addition, he needs a tub large enough to be able to soak his skin in. Otherwise, he will be so prone to infection again. Perhaps the new house will be closer to the church and he will be able to make it to Mass if someone will at least help him cross the busy street.

Please pray for Karim once again. His story continues, his disease continues to ravage his little body and he is still in need of our continued prayers. When he first returned to Lebanon some paid attention to him and walked with him and he was included in a few parish functions, but his loneliness returned after the first month or so when life went back to usual. I believe Karim is a suffering saint.

Philippians 2

Tonight I was reading Holy Scripture and came across an important passage at the beginning of St. Paul's letter to the Philippians, Chapter 2. Paul says, "Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others." Sometimes this is really difficult to do because we live in a society that pushes making ourselves comfortable and looking out for number one, "me." This is what we in America have been taught in our society since I can remember. The commercials on television and the radio, magazine ads, etc., all push satisfaction and comfort for ourselves, while ignoring others. As a whole, America is the #1 nation to reach out to other less fortunate nations of the world when it comes to helping the poor and those suffering from disasters, such as the earthquake victims of Haiti. But, individually, we do not do very well.

I would hope that those of us with Christian backgrounds and those of us following Christ seriously, would look deeply inside of our hearts, and always put the "other guy" first, before ourselves. This means offering our time to make life easier for others. It means donating clothing to the Salvation Army and Goodwill stores. It means taking time to make life nicer for lonely people. And it also means offering prayers and even offering to suffer for the souls of others. This is where discipleship becomes truly Christlike because this is when it becomes difficult. Christ's ultimate sacrifice for us on the cross, was the most unselfish act anyone could do and it was this unselfish, loving act that brought us our salvation. It was an act done out of complete love. He was humbly thinking only of us, and not at all of Himself. He put us before himself. This was all but easy. We need to model ourselves daily after Christ. How different the world would be if everyone threw away their selfishness and replaced it with Jesus' holy and uncompromised love for others.

My Beautiful Savior

Today after school I went directly to St. Michael's to pray before the Blessed Sacrament. I spent nearly an hour lost in the embrace of my beautiful Savior, thanking Him once again for freeing me from that which had held me bound for so long. Now I am free of the hold it had on me, but, yet, in a small way I feel as if something is missing. I know what that something is now. It is the gift I had been given of an answer to prayer; a prayer I had whispered to God some time back. I had asked for the chance to suffer for the souls of priests because of my love for priests. They are God's chosen ones. They are the ones who form the bridge that connect us, the sinful ones, to God. Only they can bring us the graces we need through the sacraments of the Church. How awesome is this? And today I was asking God what next? What do You want from me next?

Now I am praying for a different form of suffering for priests; one that will involve only me and not my family. I am too weak for depression. But, I am still offering myself for this redemptive suffering for the souls of priests. They need us so much to pray and sacrifice for them. I'm not sure if people even think in these terms anymore. Suffering can bring joy, if joined with Christ on the cross.

Bruce

Yesterday while visiting the nursing home I stopped in to visit with Bruce. Bruce is not Catholic, but I have known his family for at least ten years. He has had a very difficult life. His wife died very young, leaving him to raise six young children by himself. He almost died as a young man because of kidney failure. He had something wrong with one of his legs which caused him to limp badly as long as I've known him, and about five years ago had to have one of his legs amputated from the knee down because of complications from diabetes. He entered the nursing home last year at the age of 55, because he could no longer care for himself and he was showing signs of early dimensia.

I always stop to say hello and chat with him because I have a heart for all people, and especially Bruce, who years ago spent many hours volunteering at the Catholic school where he sent his kids in order that they receive a good education. Lately he could not speak very loudly because of strokes he suffered. He had to hold his hand on his throat in order to have his speech audible.

Bruce's daughter notified me a few days ago that he had been in the hospital this past week and only had a few days left to live. His blood pressure was falling and there was nothing they could do to help him, so they decided to just make him comfortable at the nursing home until he went. So when I visited him on Sunday, I was prepared. He was not awake when I entered his room. I pulled up a chair and held his hand and stroked his forehead and cheek, making the sign of the cross several times on his little bald head. I spoke to him and told him that I was going to pray some Catholic prayers for him and I explained what the Chaplet of Divine Mercy was. I prayed the Chaplet for Bruce. He breathed shallowly. Then I prayed the Anima Christi. It is a beautiful prayer. I talked to him about how proud God must be of how he did so much suffering in his life to raise such a beautiful family. I told him that his suffering could be united with Jesus' suffering on the cross. I told him he was very much loved by his family and that I, too, love him. I just sat quietly and stroked his arm and cheek. It was a very blessed moment of silence and of prayer. Then I kissed his head and left, not knowing if I will see Bruce again next week or not. But, I am thankful that I was able to spend time these past weeks with him and at least give him a little of God's love in his last days on earth. I pray he will be with his Lord and Savior very soon.

Note: Bruce passed away two days after I wrote this post.