The Pieta

At my parish church, St. Michael's, there is a beautiful statue of the Pieta. I used to take Karim there to look at this statue and pray by it because the wounds Jesus bore reminded me of Karim's wounds. Like Jesus, Karim's hands and feet had open sores on them, often bleeding where they cracked open. His mid-section around his groin area was covered with a manifestation of his disease. This reminded me of the place of Jesus' side where the soldier thrust the sword into His flesh to make sure He was indeed dead. And finally, Karim had sores on his face and about his ears, sometimes causing him pain and itching and sometimes bleeding, as well. Jesus suffered from the wounds caused from the crown of thorns on His precious head.

On Wednesday I went to pray at church after I left work. I found myself pondering that statue. I went behind the communion rail so that I could be right next to the statue and I touched all of the wounds on Jesus' body, contemplating each one individually. I looked into Mary's sorrowful eyes and spoke to her, telling her how I was so sorry for the pain that she had to endure as a mother of this man that had suffered so right before her eyes; the innocent one who had been slaughtered for the sins of the many guilty ones, including me. The statue had tears coming down her cheeks as she looked upon her son with such pain in her eyes. I reached up and attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes. Of course, this wasn't possible, since it was a plaster statue, including the tears.

I continued to go from wound to wound, thinking of the significance of each, and begging the Father to hear my continued prayers for little Karim. I thought of Jesus' words, "Whatever you ask the Father in my name, it will be given to you." These words have gone through my head so many times for the past three years. I say them over and over again, yet I remind myself that it is only according to His holy will that these prayers will be answered.

Then I sighed a deep sigh and rested my head upon Jesus chest, holding in my left hand his limp left hand, and with my right, enfolding his mother's hand and his right hand which were clasped together as she held Him one last time. I entered into this sorrowful love scene. I became a part of this sorrowful love scene. I kissed each one of Jesus' wounds before I left. And I went home with the hope in my mind that one day the Father will indeed answer my unselfish prayer for Karim because the judge answered the persistent widow because he got tired of hearing her over and over again. I wonder if God will get tired of hearing me over and over again. I wonder if He is bothered by my persistence. I think not. For He is a loving and merciful God who never tires of His human creations. His love for us is far greater than any irritation He may have with us. Thank You, Lord, for being patient with my persistence.

Nearer Than Before

Last night I went to a Eucharistic holy hour at Prince of Peace Church led by Jim Cowan, a wonderful musician and songwriter, formerly of the group Millenium Three. Jim and his wife, Mary, come annually to Prince of Peace to lead a holy hour. They travel around the country praising God in this way, leading the praise and worship in different communities. He has an awesome gift of song and prayer. I was lost in God's love as we worshiped, quietly sang and heard God's word in the Holy Gospel. One of the songs that touched me the most was written by Jim himself. It is called "Nearer Than Before," and the lyrics are as follows:

Lord, take the blindness from my eyes,
All my arrogance and pride,
Fill my vision with your light.
Lord, take the deafness from my ears;
When I'm dull and slow to hear,
Help me recognize your voice.

Chorus:
Lord, draw me nearer than before;
Everyday I long for more of you
To know and see your face.
Lord, draw me deeper into prayer;
Everyday I want to meet you there.
Just to spend my life with you.

Lord, take the darkness from my mind;
When confusion makes me blind,
Come renew me with your truth.
Lord, take the hardness from my heart.
Roll away the stony part;
Fill me with a love that's true.

I am often drawn to tears during Eucharistic adoration because just the thought of God's enormous love for me is more than I can handle emotionally. But, when this type of music is added to the adoration, it brings great love forward from my heart; a love that is indescribable toward a Savior that is so fine, so precious, so full of mercy and compassion that I cannot possibly not be drawn to tears in contemplating His love for me. I yearn for Him each moment of the day. With every breath I take, I physically ache to be closer to Him. I want more and more of Him. This is why this song speaks to my heart. God bless.

Jesus, My One True Love

I have noticed recently that when I attend Mass, it has become so much more real to me. I don't know if it is because my prayer life has improved, or because I have strived to become closer to Jesus, My One True Love. But, I get a feeling of being in a euphoric state when I am in Mass sometimes. I often feel as if I am in a state of somewhere "other than" that is very hard to describe. There seems to be a sense of no time, yet all time at the same time, if this makes any sense. I do not wish to leave this beautiful area where my senses seem to touch those of Jesus. It is a place where He is in me and I in Him. It is always the time from the consecration until the end of Mass when I get this sort of "lost in God" feeling. I receive Him physically into my being through the Sacrament of the Eucharist. There I know my King has been consumed by me, yet at the same time, I know that I have also been received into Him. So the two of us have become one, much like spouses in the marital embrace. Ahhh. It is such a beautiful image to bring to mind when I think of my Jesus in this holy, Eucharistic embrace, unparalleled by anything else in this world. I sink into oblivion and revel in His glorious love for just a few minutes until the priest reminds us that the Mass is over and it is our time to go out in peace to love and serve others in His holy name. What a beautiful mission. What a great, great task to be given on this earth; to bear His name and to do to others in imitation of Him. Oh Lord, You are so marvelous!! Great and wonderful are You!!

Why Sacrifice?

I have a sweet friend that I met on Facebook named Jessica. She is a young girl of 23 and is the niece of my friends, Jean and Rita Karim in Lebanon. She lives in New York City. She and I have talked a lot of Lebanon because I have been there three times in the past three years and Jessica longs very much to go there and be with her family. We share lots of conversation. Jessica reads this blog and we sometimes discuss it. I like her inquisitive nature. She read with interest the post that I wrote some time back about my joy when I realized that my depression had been an answer to my prayer to suffer for priests; how I had turned my suffering into a new joy because it could be used as redemptive suffering if I joined my suffering with those of Christ on the cross to benefit the souls of priests. I told her that I had offered to God that I would like to suffer for the souls of priests, and in particular for a priest friend of mine. And she was surprised when I told her that now that my depression was over, I was asking God to suffer in some other physical way, for the souls of priests again.

Jessica asked, why suffer? Why not just pray for priests? I had to think a bit. This is a difficult concept for many to understand, especially nowadays, when we don't hear a lot about redemptive suffering, particularly in America. I probably didn't give an adequate answer, but, this is how I responded. And I invite any readers to comment if I am wrong, or to add to my answer please. First, I told Jessica that in Scripture itself somewhere it says that we must make up for that which is lacking in Christ. I cannot quote the chapter and verse because I am not good at citing verses. Of course nothing is lacking in Christ, but, I understand this to relate to the suffering to which I am referring.

Then, I explained that if we can be right up there on the cross suffering with Jesus, this is the ultimate sacrifice, and just as He could make up for the sins of the world, so too could we help some people with their sins by joining with Him on the cross. Perhaps my words are not adequate, but, the idea is there. A prayer is always good for someone's soul; but, how much better is an act of suffering. Jesus took His prayer one step further - to the cross and to His death. So if we take our prayer one step further - to suffering, shouldn't this bear more weight? It is not that God wants us to suffer, just that in our service to him we need to be willing to suffer.

We hear over and over in the lives of saints, their willingness to suffer for the souls of others. This is a saintly thing to do. If we are striving for holiness, should we not imitate the holiest ones? So, in my inadequate way, I have attempted to explain why I have decided to offer sacrifice for the souls of priests in general, and for particular priests. I hope this helps.

The Fog

Early each morning this week the fog was extremely dense as motorists crossed the causeway on their way to work. This morning as I was in that line of motorists, I thought how much it reminded me of our walk with Christ. I could not see more than fifteen feet in front of me because the blanket of fog was so dense. Yet, I had faith that if I continued on my path I would reach my final destination. All I could see, was the faint hint of a light, distant in the sky somewhere, which my senses told me, was the sun. I couldn't see the whole thing, so I couldn't verify this; just a tiny little glint of light up ahead. I continued slowly on the path that my blind faith told me would bring me to the school where I work. After I passed over the causeway and got away from the rivers, the fog cleared and I could once again see clearly, the road ahead, and the bright sun in the morning sky. I easily made it to work on time.

This reminded me of life's journey, where the road to our final destination with Christ our Lord is often difficult to see. Things get in the way and we cannot see where we are going. We have to rely on blind faith alone, and trust in God to lead us where we are meant to go. Sometimes we get lost in the fog of difficult times. Sometimes we even get completely turned around, headed in the wrong direction. But, we must look for the glint of the Son. We must seek Him and keep our eyes always on Him and follow Him, even if it means hanging on to Him by only a mere thread. We should never let Him out of our sight. If we keep Him always in our sight, then sooner or later, we will emerge from the fog and see Him once again clearly, and the road will become open and evident to us. This doesn't mean it will be an easy road, for Jesus Himself said the road would be a narrow road. But, it will be accessible to us, if we only take that road to our Lord. He has a place prepared for each and every one of us. So let us make our way through the fog and keep our eyes on the Son. He is waiting with open arms.

The Responsibility of Truth

Today is a holiday from school so I had the opportunity to attend daily Mass. It was wonderful. The priest, Father Matt, gave a beautiful sermon on the responsibility we have to tell the truth to others, and to hold them to the truth, even when this may cause them to step back and examine their own consciences. It is difficult to hold others accountable, but, if they are truly seeking to follow Christ, they will be thankful that they were held accountable. (After all, we are held accountable when we confess through the means of a man in the sacrament of penance.) It was as if he were speaking directly to me because I have been struggling with this exact situation with a person I know who is caught in a knot of deceit and lies, the most significant of which has caused another person to be denied the Eucharist on Sundays. Because of his pride, he denies any wrongdoing, even though Jesus knows the truth. Father Matt says all we can do in such a case is bravely speak the truth and hand it over to God. It is up to the other person to reconcile with God. In most cases, if one seeks true communion with God, and wants to imitate Jesus Christ, he will be thankful for the reminder by his friend, and will get back on track. So, if someone reminds you that you are headed away from truth, examine your conscience and make a u-turn. And if you notice your friend doing the same, gently, and in love, help him back to the right path. This is what Christian love is all about. Love means helping the other person to heaven.

Loving Christ

I remember more than once my spiritual director saying that loving Christ isn't merely about this relationship between "Christ and me." It isn't about "me, me, me." A relationship built merely on God and me is not the relationship Jesus had in mind. When one looks throughout the gospels, one can't help but see that Jesus' message was always that of loving one another. He did not say "Love me." He did not say, "Form this special relationship with just me." This is not what He preached. The relationship has to go from man to Christ and from Christ to man. But, it must go further than this. The relationship must also go from man to man if we are to be obedient to what Jesus commanded us to do, "love one another as I have loved you." How sad if one were to miss the main message of all the gospels.

If we have love for God but not for one another, we have nothing. He even says this in the first letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13, when he expands upon love. If we ignore Jesus' command to love, then we ignore Jesus. Man was meant to love man, and to receive love from man. For in loving man, by Jesus' own words, we love Jesus Christ Himself. And if we do not love man, but, say that we love Christ, we make ourselves into liars.

God gives us opportunities every day to love Him when He places before us those who need our love. They may be our families, our friends, or the stranger on the street that needs a smile this very moment. Or it could be a friend who we have hurt emotionally. Let us see the face of Christ in each person with whom we come in contact and treat that person as if he were Christ Himself we were speaking to. Perhaps the words that escaped our mouths would be a lot kinder and more forgiving and loving.