The Tax Collector

In today's gospel Jesus tells the parable of the tax collector and the publican. One said, "Lord, I am thankful that I am not like all the others. I pay tithes, I fast twice weekly... and I am thankful that I am not like this tax collector." And the tax collector, not even able to raise his eyes to look upon the Lord, says, "Lord, have mercy on me, for I am a sinner." Jesus then says, "The exalted will be humbled, and the humble will be exalted."

I know that this is where I belong, with my head bowed down, not even worthy to fix my gaze upon Him. For no matter how hard I try to serve Him and honor Him, each and every day I fall over and over again. I listen to the temptations that the world, the flesh and the devil lay before me. And I cave in because they sound oh so good. I look one way and see the Lord, Jesus. Then I look the other way and see the temptations. And for some unknown reason, I fall over and over again into the pit of choosing the wrong way, only to chastise myself and to ask myself how I could have chosen other than the only choice for me - Jesus.

Yet, I pick myself up again, return to the confessional, and ask once again for His merciful forgiveness. I abhor my sinfulness. Yet I understand that had it not been for original sin, man would not be so inclined to lean in this direction. I will never be anyone other than the tax collector, unworthy to lift my eyes to Him. But, I know that I will never stop trying to choose the right over the wrong. For He will always be my heart's deepest desire. Lord Jesus, help me to overcome my own selfish whims. Help me to hold You always above all. For You are my King and my Savior. Amen.